Oralando Spring 2005 Chapter 1

The day before we went to to Orlando I came down with a wicked cold. This was Friday May 27th. The day before my misery began. Or should I say a prelude to misery. I am sure Grace could verify for all of you who question my experience. By mid afternoon I was pounding down the zinc like a crack fiend. Yes, the throat lozenges and the lesser known nasal gel. The stuff works. If its just voodoo I don't care because my cold ends quicker and the symptoms are far less severe.

Saturday May 28th we arrive in Orlando. By now my cold is full blown. Burning nostrils, constant drip, and suicidal ideation. I didn't say the zinc would totally wipe out the cold instantaneously, just lesson the misery substantially. So I continue on my zinc binge. I have to confess I am not a good patient and I don't do illness well. I just curl up in a ball and stare at the wall. After several hours we arrive at the hotel, unpack and I lay in bed until the next morning. I am now probably known to Grace as Mr. Grumpy pants when I turn ill.

May 29, Sunday. Oh, but how I feel like a new man reborn alleluyah the zinc is the bomb. I told ya, you non believing zinc haters out there. So we head out to the conference late morning and I check in. I travel through a few classes and then head off to International drive. The mile stretch of tourist trap heaven or hell, its all perspective. I saw more non franchise no name restuarants along this road than I have in a life time. Even the Mcdonalds was some hibrid with another restuarant from which you could order food from either at the same counter. Is this legal? Should I call corporate on this one? And the staff, well lets say they were not even up to the usual peppy in your face welcome to McDonalds variety. No, they were just plain retarded. Never visit McD's in Orlando on International Drive. Anyway, we purchased an all day pass for the trolley/bus, wait and hop on the first one going towards a mall. We were starving so we stopped at the first shopping complex and decided on Johnny Rockets, a fifties style diner. Not too bad. Brings me back to the days when we were starving for a burger in Japan and I was introduced to Johnny Rockets or should I say, Johnny Rocketsan. Ok, after the burger we hopped back on the trolley and off the outlet mall at the end of the strip. I had no faith in the place. Most outlets are an opportunity for brand name companies to charge full price and the customer to feel as though he got a bargain just because their store is located in a mall with outlet at the end of the name. Or, the second conspiracy is when a company makes cheaper goods just for the outlet and sells them at full price which is of course lower than their real merchandise. Than there are the few that are legit. Well call me a bitch now because no matter what, I wasn't shopping regardless of the scenerio that played out. Thirty minutes later and I had one large shopping bag full of clothes and Grace had none. Lets say I tore up some retail ass that day beating Grace 2 to 1 on the shopping count. The outlet was for real or I was a statistic in the facade. I would like to think I got a good deal and yeah sure I did. After a hard day of shopping we went to eat and headed back to the hotel with loot in hand.

Monday, May 30. The day before we made a deal with the devil for a 3 day hopper pass for the Magic Kingdom. I wanted to see 3 out of 4 Disney parks. I have never been. I dreamed about it when I was a kid and now I am going to see Mickey in his full glory dammit. Well the guy at the hotel had a deal for us. I can get you a 3 day hopper with no expiration date for 100 dollars off. Thats a great deal. All you have to do is wake up early, a limo will pick you up and take you for a 90 minute time share presentation with breakfast. After the presentation you will receive the passes and be wisked away to the Magic Kingdom. Oh boy Oh boy, I can't wait. I thought thats all, just watch a presentation with several other lucky park pass recipients. I wasn't prepared for a 2 hour personalized full court press sales inoculation. It was so painful I almost gave in to just get the hell out of there. They had every counter answer to any question you brought up even if the figures and sales approach was flawed. And if that doesn't work, lets try to make em feel guilty cause this presentation cost hundreds of dollars. Tough shit now, you almost had me but now Im pissed. Where's my passes sales slut. By the way nice suit, but Im not paying for it. We got our passes as promised and our asses driven out to Disney. At least they kept their promise. I pictured us being left out in a swamp somewhere in the Everglades ass deep in alligators and water moccasins. That might of worked, but I wasn't letting him in on that. We chose Epcot for our first Disney park with plans to do MGM tuesday and Disney World wednesday....