Todays Potty News

Today I took a dump so big I had to put a kickstand on it. If anyone is interested, I bought my kickstand from MC Pooh (see "Fun With Album Covers" below).

Fun With Album Covers

This picture was taken just prior to Tino getting his ass kicked. So much for Latino Machismo. Tino is single handedly tearing down that stereo type. By the way Tino, Ricky Martin wants his hot pants back.



This cover is wrong for two reasons. First the DJ's name Pooh. Maybe Winnie the Pooh if the girls think your cute, but there is nothing sexy or cool about being named after a bowel movement(and is he trying to help her with one? Maybe Dr. Pooh would be more appropriate. "Enema stat nurse"). Second, the word funky between a woman's legs. Use your imaginary smellovision for this one.


Liebe Mutter...Heino translated from German to English reads "I would like a large wiener shnitzel up my hind quarters now." His look had to be Michael Myers inspiration for his character Deiter in the SNL skit "Sprockets". Suddenly David Hasselhoff seems really cool.

The Bugaloos The Bugaloos...

Does anybody have a freakin fly swatter? er... on second thought that Joy is kinda cute. Ok, pluck her wings but off with the rest of the varmits.

Where's My Romper Stompers?

This blog has been brought to you by Romper Room.
I see Gracie and Freddie and Richie and Jerry and Greggie and...

Brunettes From the Past

I remember watching Petticoat Junction when I was probably not even 9 years old. And of all things I watched it because there was such a bevy of babes. Why at that age? I don't know. I wouldn't even know what to do with them if they showed up on my front door step. But, there was one of them in the group that really got something inside of me going back then. Emphasis on "something" because once again I was an ignorant pre adolescent. Her character's name was Roberta Josephine 'Bobbie Jo' Bradley. Her real name is Lori Saunders. Enjoy.

Marga-Rita

Now that we survived hurricane Rita here in Houston, it's time for a Marga-Rita. Prayers go out to those who had to weather the bad side of the storm.
Here is a recipe to get you started:

Aloha Joe's
TROPICAL MARGARITA'S
1 1/4 oz. Tequila
1/2 oz. Triple Sec
4 oz. Sweet & Sour
2 oz. Guava Nectar
OR - try Mango Nectar
Blend with ice.
Garnish with LIGHT
salt on rim and add "stuff"**

** Drink Stuff - Plastic orchids, Umbrellas, etc.

So Long Little Buddy

As corny as this show was. I found it intriguing and just good clean fun dammit. And Mary Ann, ohhhhhh, excuse me for a moment.

Heeeey

TV Characters That Give Me The Willies

Jethrine Bodine from the Beverly Hillbillies and Ralph Monroe from Green Acres.

Monkeys Are Cool II

I think monkeys are cool because they are like kids with super powers. As a kid I would have killed to be able to swing through a tree or a room like them. Hell, I would kill to have that kind of strength and talent now. But of course I would wear a loincloth to cover up the monkey butt. In fact, I think the zoo could do us all a favor by covering up some of that monkey butt exposure.

Astroworld RIP

I was sad to hear that Astroworld will be closing it's doors for good this year. I have many fond memories at the park growing up. I still have my season passes from 1977 and 1978. Don't ask why, but now I'm glad I kept them. Viva Marvel McFey! I have enclosed a photo of me and my sister. You guess what year this was. Check the groovy pants.

Whatya Talking About?

Bush wasn't late to respond to Katrina. He was in New Orleans the whole time...on vacation. Go get'em Mr. President.

Things I Would Rather Not Imagine

1. Playing in a basketball game. Skins vs Shirts. Skins team: Robin Williams, Dom DeLuise and Richard Simmons.

2. Watching a sanitation truck driver clean out a porta-can while eating an egg salad sandwich (and sniffing his fingers in confusion).

3. Sliding naked down a razor-blade slide on your belly backwards into a sandbox full of salt.

Handsome Bastard

I am declaring mutany on the tradtional westwern suit after attending my friends Bengali wedding. Pajamas with flip flops win over a noose and straight jacket anyday! And damn I look good..... of course next to my better half.

PB&J Corner

Grilled Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches
It's hard to improve on a classic like peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, but I have really hit on something here. Grilled PB&J and a glass of milk -- that's one perfect, ooey-gooey sweet lunch.

What You Need:

Two pieces of bread
Peanut butter
Jam (jelly gets pretty runny but it works in a "jam")
Skillet or griddle
Butter or cooking spray
Spatula
How to make it:

Make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but don't cut it (keep it whole).
If you are using cooking spray, lightly coat the skillet.
Turn a stove burner onto medium heat. Place the skillet on the stove. You can let the skillet sit for a few seconds, but not for long.
If you are using butter instead of cooking spray, place a small slice of butter on the skillet and let it melt. Tilt the skillet a little so that the butter covers an area that is as big as your sandwich.
Carefully set the sandwich in the skillet. Let it sit long enough to brown the edges of the bottom side, checking the sandwich by lifting an edge gently with the spatula.
When one side is brown, flip the sandwich over and let the other side cook.
When the second side is brown, turn the heat off and use the spatula to take the sandwich off the skillet and put it on your plate. Careful, it's hot!
Slice the sandwich in half (notice how nice a diagonal cut looks). Pour yourself a glass of milk, and enjoy!
It's easy to make Grilled PB&J sandwiches for several people. You can use a bigger skillet and make two at a time, or use a griddle if you have one. Your parents will know what I am talking about.

You can make grilled cheese sandwiches following the same basic cooking instructions. Just substitute two slices of cheese for the peanut butter & jelly in Step 1.

Spam Recipe of the Week

Spam fritters

Ingredients:

4oz flour; milk; 1 egg; 1 tin of Spam; lots of chips; 1 TBS spoon oil

Preparation: Put flour in bowl, mix in enough milk to make a runny paste, pour in oil beat in one egg. Slice the Spam up into slices 1/4" thick or thinner if you want more. Dip slices into batter and fry in hot oil until crispy and golden. Smother with ketchup and scoff the lot with chips. Beer can be added to the batter to make it lighter and crispier if you so desire.

Harvest Season

As harvest season arrives I get a special warm fuzzy feeling inside. I think about the fall leaves, warm cider, and pumpkin pie. But what really gets my goose is the opening of hunting season. And while many of you love to hunt deer or fowl, my favorite game is Chuy (aka Chupa Cabra). He is the most challenging tricky little bastard, especially during Halloween. He likes to hide amongst the little tricker treaters. The way to pick him out of the crowd is that he has no candy bag. But please hunters, stand down this candy day. We'll just add another day to Chuy season. So gather up your 12 gauge and tazer and maybe this year we'll have us some Chuy steaks by Thanksgiving.

Brain Tissue Massage

I offer my mental musings. Brain tissue, synapses abusing. The thoughts are pounding and mounting. So heavy so fast I'm shouting. Come on come on, bring it on. I can take it bottle it and save it for later. I need the ideas to free me from this mental prison I call cell block ho hum.