Sunday, March 26, 2006

Rhinestone Cowboy

I just found out Buck Owens died this week. I know most of you are going, who? My memories of him were when I was a wee lad watching Hee Haw with my parents. Good ole wholesome family entertainment. They played a few clips of him this morning on CBS singing a few country songs. Im not much of a country fan but it inspired me to start a song of my own. Feel free to add to it.

Don't call me darlin
Cuz the things you've done to me
weren't very darlin

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Dark Humor Boy

I just picked up this gem of a book. The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & Other Stories, by Tim Burton. It just helps me reaffirm my dark side.

The Man is Watching

My posting volume is suffering. I was informed behind the scenes our I.S. department is recording our internet activities. Some kind of domestic spy program. So when my creativity peaks, I must write it down and post when I get home. Now if they would only give me enough work during the day to keep me busy.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

It's A St Patty's Day Weekend

So pickle yer liver and hope the lasses play with your pickle.

Thursday, March 16, 2006


I don't know what it is about this band, but I can't get enough of them. They have grown on me in a big way. When I first saw them on MTV they kinda scared me, but I got over it. It's hard to pigeon hole them into what kind of rock band they are so I just made up a new one: Bipolar Rock. My favorite album of theirs is, "Steal This Album". Most of the songs are less than 3 minutes which is cool. If you look at old records from the fifties and early sixties this was quite common but very odd now days.

Tinky Winky Exposed His Dinky

In the news for the younger crowd, (since yesterdays story might have referenced an older generation)Tinky Winky was busted flashing his dinky in a public restroom at Harrod's late yesterday. In a police report released this morning Tinky's only reply to the charges was "Eh-Oh". His manager states that Tinky is innocent of all charges and will make a comeback with the Teletubbies soon, but would not elaborate on the details.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

PufnStuf Busted

As with many child stars, PufnStuf aka the original "Puff Daddy" was busted today at the Viper Room in L.A. puffin and doin stuff. In a statement to the press Puff said "It was Freddy the Flute that got me hooked on the blow." It's sad for someone who brought so much joy to us in our childhood. Good Luck Puffy.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Monkey Poo Tuesday

Its one of those monkey poo Tuesdays, not quite hump day, just poo day so be sure to duck when the monkey cocks his arm. This has been a public service announcement.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Stop That Shit

Linda #1 from my previous story Linda and Linda or Linda Squared has a compulsion for anorexic behavior now, if I hadn't mentioned it yet. She was a tad pudgy before she met this fella half way across the country (cause everyone is on to her in the southwest region of the U.S.). Well she had this short but heated long distant relationship going so she started this bootcamp (brainwash camp) and exercises obsessively now. I am all about being healthy but she does squats when waiting for a fax or a phone call or between picking her nose. I'm sorry but the only time I squat is when I drop the kids off at the pool. And here we go again, now she is squatting at the fax machine and the image in my brain...I need one of those men in black brain erasers. Maybe I'll just run a pencil up my nose and scramble my frontal lobe.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Hair Management

Last year our department hired a new assistant manager. Finally, a real manager, I thought. One that was trained in the art. She has fancy titles and degrees prominently displayed about her wall. I thought this was great because in the past they would just appoint anyone regardless of their background, especially nurses. I work in a hospital run by nurses and of course there is a lot of back scratching. There is also a lot of nimrods running departments that have no business mind. So back to our new perky little manager. She is about 4 foot 11 inches in heals weighing in at around 110 pounds, but she walks like she weighs 350. Every aspect of her movement is in overdrive (talking, walking, sitting, drinking, eating). You could say she is a busy beaver our little one is. Lets not get in to how many toes she is stepping on. I'm finding out she is pissing off a lot of my coworkers. And I thought we had a winner. We seem to have a power hungry little natzi on our hands. I should have known by her most striking feature. Her hair. It looks like an anime version of Don King's hair. Or if Sonic the Hedgehog had a sister, she'd be it partner.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Bite Me

Finally, the network is back up and I'm just a little cranky. So take your upper row of teeth and bottom row and parse a butt cheek o mine betwix them and mash down fuckers.

Plug Time

My fiance started selling Mary Kay on the side. She is a full time ICU nurse. I went to their first meeting. I have to say I was surprised. I thought it would be a bunch of old gray hairs. But there were women of all ages and backgrounds. MD's, PHD's, MBA's, nurses, even men. I'm all for the entrepreneurial spirit. Bring on the pink Cadillac. Maybe this will help pay off our wedding next month. If you are interested click below. You will be at the least helping finance our wedding bless. Thanks.
  • Buy MaryKay
  • Monday, March 06, 2006

    Coffee, Sex and Sports

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....I hate Mondays. Hate? That's such a strong word fella. Fuck youuuuu. Where's my coffee. I need my drug. The excitement of consuming mass quantities is giving me a semi. What's better than coffee? Sex. What could be better than that? Coffee and sex. And even better than that? Coffee, sex, chased down with a beer, pizza and Maalox all the while watching sports. Oh I think I feel a little light headed...hi grandma...where are we....

    Friday, March 03, 2006

    Linda and Linda or Linda Squared

    I share an office with five women. Sure the guys are going, hell yeah! No, there is nothing here worth trolling for even after a case of Everclear. Especially Linda and Linda. These are the two most annoying people I have had the pleasure of knowing. I hope this is not a genetic signature of the Lindas I might meet in the future. Linda #1, the younger annoying Linda: Personality characteristic=Oh, nobody likes me, all the good men are taken, I will never find anyone, I can't do that or I can't do this just because, nothing ever works out, Im a good person, whats wrong? I'll tell you. You need some serious fucking psychotherapy and a pound of Prozac a day. Maybe by this time next year you'll only be a little pessimistic. Hopefully Linda #1 will never have children because we might have another Andrea Yates on our hands.

    Now for Linda #2. Me: Hey guys its sunny out and the sky is blue. Linda #2: No its not. I read the forecast, the sky is cloudy and its raining. Me: just was outside and ...Linda#2: Your wrong. And if you have anything else to say, your wrong again because I wrote the book on the book and I have more trivial information than you can imagine to bore the fuck out of you, so there. Actually I have fun with this Linda cause I can push her buttons all day by spitting out random made up trivia and when she gets wound up I leave the office so she can torture the remaining office mates. For any of you Cheers fans out there, Linda #2 is the female Cliff Clavin or better yet, his mother.